agree
학생이 쓴 원문
I think that we should hurry up to practice the rasing the age of senior in part of welfare system.
The policy is stayed behind than real situation.
It is because the government and public servents attribute to lazy and avoidance that they have to do.
Even though times had changed, they don\'t consider this system after had made in 1984.
Wrong welfare system made people helpless, shameless and taking for granted from receiving government.
The 65 is no longer a senior In Korea.
강사 첨삭
Good afternoon, Ms. [이름]!
I understand your point. These days, people who are 65 years old are still strong and capable of working. Although their physical strength may be more limited, companies can adjust their roles so they can continue to contribute effectively. Many retirees become depressed when they stop doing what they have been used to, so I agree that the senior age for benefits should be raised
Aki~
I think that we should hurry up to practice the rasing the age of senior in part of welfare system.
>>> I think that we should hurry up to practice raising the age of seniors in the welfare system.
The policy is stayed behind than real situation.
>>> The policy is lagging behind the real situation.
It is because the government and public servents attribute to lazy and avoidance that they have to do.
>>> It is because the government and public servants attribute it to laziness and avoidance of what they have to do.
Even though times had changed, they don\'t consider this system after had made in 1984.
>>> Even though times had changed, they don\'t consider this system, which was made in 1984.
Wrong welfare system made people helpless, shameless and taking for granted from receiving government.
>>> The wrong welfare system made people helpless, shameless, and taken for granted by the government.
The 65 is no longer a senior in Korea.
>>> 65 is not yet a senior in Korea.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.