my homework
학생이 쓴 원문
HOMEWORK FOR TODAY
ESSAY: The best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
hmm.... to some extent, i agree. The best way for a bad offender is isolation from society.
social disconnection of criminals are critical, they may not be able to get a job or pursue a stable life and then, this instinctive fear makes people more kind and humble. it works.
but it isn\'t all-rounder. too long punishment time make criminal retired. some people may be try to find some job because they wanna live peaceful like the normal. however their guilty disturb inner peace. i think that\'s the reason that many people who come out prison raise out second crime.
in conclusion, the most important thing is the balance between strictness and tolerance. they need due and decent punishment time.
강사 첨삭
Hi Lee! Thanks for your homework today! You essay is clear, and the ideas develop in a logical order from agreement, to limitations, and finally to a balanced conclusion however, there are some ideas which need further explanation and stronger examples to support the argument. Keep it up!
social disconnection of criminals are critical, they may not be able to get a job or pursue a stable life and then, this instinctive fear makes people more kind and humble. it works.
but it isn\'t all-rounder. too long punishment time make criminal retired.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
hmm.... to some extent, i agree.
>>> I agree to some extent.
The best way for a bad offender is isolation from society.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
OR>>> For serious offenders, isolation from society can be an effective form of punishment.
social disconnection of criminals are critical, they may not be able to get a job or pursue a stable life and then, this instinctive fear makes people more kind and humble. it works.
>>> Social disconnection is a critical consequence for criminals. When they are separated from normal social life, they may struggle to find employment or build a stable future.
but it isn\'t all-rounder. too long punishment time make criminal retired.
>>> However, this approach is not a complete solution. Excessively long punishment periods may cause criminals to become disconnected from society, making it difficult for them to rebuild their lives after release.
some people may be try to find some job because they wanna live peaceful like the normal.
>>> Some people may genuinely try to find a job and live peacefully like ordinary members of society.
however their guilty disturb inner peace.
>>> However, the guilt and stigma associated with their past actions may continue to affect their mental well-being and prevent them from achieving inner peace.
i think that\'s the reason that many people who come out prison raise out second crime.
>>> I believe this is one reason why some people who are released from prison may commit crimes again.
in conclusion, the most important thing is the balance between strictness and tolerance. they need due and decent punishment time.
>>> In conclusion, the most important factor is finding a balance between strictness and tolerance. Criminals should receive fair and appropriate punishment that reflects the seriousness of their crimes while also providing opportunities for rehabilitation and reintegration into society.
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