my homework

2026-07-15 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

HOMEWORK FOR TODAY ESSAY: In many countries, young people are choosing to live alone rather than with their families. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development? It can be said to be a negative development. More and more families live alone means lack of financial capacity. We are poorer than we were in the past. We live alone because we are overwhelmed with our own lives and are unable to consider supporting our families. Similarly, the rate of marriage has declined, which means that marriage has declined.

강사 첨삭

Good day you Lee! Thanks for your essay today. The essay has a reasonable main idea, but it currently relies on broad assumptions. With more specific explanations and a more balanced discussion, it could become a stronger argumentative essay.

>>> TEACHER GEMMA

It can be said to be a negative development.

>>> It can be argued that this is a negative development.

More and more families live alone means lack of financial capacity.

>>> The increasing number of families living separately may reflect a lack of financial capacity and growing economic pressures.

We are poorer than we were in the past.

>>> Compared with the past, many people are facing greater financial difficulties, which can make it harder to support extended family members.

We live alone because we are overwhelmed with our own lives and are unable to consider supporting our families.

>>> As individuals become more overwhelmed by their own responsibilities and challenges, they may have less time, energy, and resources to provide support for their relatives.

Similarly, the rate of marriage has declined, which means that marriage has declined.

>>> Similarly, the declining marriage rate suggests that fewer people are choosing to marry, which may indicate broader changes in social and economic conditions.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기