The biggest problem while living in [이름]ul

2020-02-28 · 첨삭 강사 Kate

학생이 쓴 원문

Based on my experience as a [이름]ul citizen, [이름]ul has a lack of places without money. One day, I read an article about the number of parks and benches in the city. The writer compared the number of resting places in [이름]ul and Newyork. In this article, the resting place means the place can stay without money. I don\'t remember the exact number, but the result was quite shocking. Newyork has about twice resting places than [이름]ul. It means that in [이름]ul, the opportunity to take a rest depends on one\'s income. A shared place can mix diverse people and provide public memories and experience. It\'s really important to narrow the gap between economically various people. As a university student who isn\'t well-off, I\'ve been embarrassed when I find a proper place to spend remained time. Citizens are under the influence of the atmosphere and mainstream of the city. I hope more resting place will be built. The city makes people and people make a city. It\'s time to consider an organic relationship.

강사 첨삭

Hello [이름] [이름]!
Thank you for submitting your compositions today. It\'s always such a treat to read what you think about certain topics. Keep up the good work! ^^
~~Teacher Kate

Based on my experience as a [이름]ul citizen, [이름]ul has a lack of places without money. 
>>Based on my experience as a [이름]ul citizen, it has a lack of places that you can go to without money. 
One day, I read an article about the number of parks and benches in the city. 
>>CORRECT!
The writer compared the number of resting places in [이름]ul and New York. 
>>CORRECT!
In this article, the resting place means the place can stay without money. 
>>In this article, a resting place means a place you can stay in without spending money. 
I don\'t remember the exact number, but the result was quite shocking. 
>>CORRECT! 
Newyork has about twice resting places than [이름]ul. 
>>New York has about twice the number of resting places in [이름]ul.
It means that in [이름]ul, the opportunity to take a rest depends on one\'s income. 
>>CORRECT!
A shared place can mix diverse people and provide public memories and experience. 
>>A shared place is a place where diverse people can mingle and it also provides public memories and experience. 
It\'s really important to narrow the gap between economically various people. 
>>It\'s really important to narrow the gap between economically diverse people.
As a university student who isn\'t well-off, I\'ve been embarrassed when I find a proper place to spend remained time. 
>>As a university student who isn\'t well-off, I\'ve been embarrassed when I find a proper place to spend my free time in. 
Citizens are under the influence of the atmosphere and mainstream of the city. I hope more resting place will be built.
>>Citizens are under the influence of the atmosphere and what\'s mainstream in the city. I hope more resting place will be built.
The city makes people and people make a city. It\'s time to consider an organic relationship.
>>The city makes the people and people make a city. It\'s time to consider an organic relationship.

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