Young people today are healthier but less socially connected.” Do you agree?
학생이 쓴 원문
Compared to the past, young people are physically healthier but less socially connected. With the rise of social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram, many young people are increasingly interacting with their peers online. This trend has the benefit of connecting people who are distantly apart and with different time zones. However, there are downsides to replacing in-person interactions with shallow digital interactions. Digital interactions increased the quantity of connections among young people, but the quality of those connections dropped drastically because they were not fostered. Alongside this, reduced in-person interactions prevented young people from building essential non-verbal communication skills such as reading social cues. Reading nonverbal communication is critical to nurturing empathetic mindsets. Seeing these curated, perfect lives online leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression, which in turn causes young people to be mentally disturbed.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for this, Aciel!
Compared to the past, young people are physically healthier but less socially connected.
>>> correct
With the rise of social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram, many young people are increasingly interacting with their peers online. >>> correct
This trend has the benefit of connecting people who are distantly apart and with different time zones.
>>> correct
>>> OR: This trend has the benefit of connecting people who are far apart and in different time zones.
However, there are downsides to replacing in-person interactions with shallow digital interactions.
>>> correct
Digital interactions increased the quantity of connections among young people, but the quality of those connections dropped drastically because they were not fostered.
>>> correct
>>> OR: Digital interactions have increased the quantity of connections among young people, but the quality of those connections has dropped drastically because they are not properly fostered.
Alongside this, reduced in-person interactions prevented young people from building essential non-verbal communication skills such as reading social cues.
>>> correct
Reading nonverbal communication is critical to nurturing empathetic mindsets.
>>> OR: Reading non-verbal communication is critical to developing empathetic mindsets.
Seeing these curated, perfect lives online leads to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression, which in turn causes young people to be mentally disturbed.
>>> correct
>>> OR: Seeing these curated, perfect lives online can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression, which in turn may negatively affect young people’s mental health.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.