문장 첨삭 부탁드립니다.

Hello there, [이름]!!!

Great job on you essay.

I know that with continuous  practice, it will really help you remember all the things that you have learned in class. I can see that you can be successful in speaking the language.

Have a great day!!!

T. Jeny 

I usually supported our customer to select and implement controls in information security side. 

>>I usually support our customers to select and implement controls in information security\'s side. 
 For example, I reviewed our customer\'s policies and guidelines.

>>For example, I review our customer\'s policies and guidelines.

If customer\'s consider to comply with privacy law in Korea. 

>>If the customer will comply with the privacy law in Korea. 
 I can give an advise to something for implement an privacy act. you have to log system access record over a 1 year. 
>>I can give an advice on something for them to implement regarding the privacy act thus they have to log their system access record over a 1 year. 
I did security vulnerability assessment for IT system, such as server, network, DBMS, security solution which condition is fine or not.

>>I did security vulnerability assessment for IT system such as server, network, DBMS and security solution to check if it is working or not.
 This is complies with Korea law, such as privacy act, information network act.

>>This complies with the Korea law such as privacy act and information network act.
I considered that information security systems such as firewall, IPS, nac, sever access control, Database access control, dbms encryption systems, which are working on the right.

>>I have to consider information security systems such as firewall, IPS, nac, sever access control, database access control and dbms encryption systems if they are working.